MiseryXchord

madamethursday:

creatrixtiara:

Slutwalk Brisbane - Tiara’s Full Speech (by forthegirls77)
Thanks Ms Naughty and crew for the video & hosting.

TRANSCRIPT [Trigger warning: Rape, victim-blaming]

[I am onstage holding up a sign that says “This is what I wore when I was RAPED. I STILL DID NOT ASK FOR IT”]

Good afternoon - I just came in literally straight from Sydney Airport so I don’t even know which state I’m in at the moment. [crowd laugh]

I was raped in the sluttiest way possible: at a Ladies’ Night, by a woman, at a swingers’ club. And yes, this is what I was wearing [black bustier, tartan miniskirt, black tights, boots]. When I reported it to the club organiser the next day, she said “Well you looked like you were having fun”. I won’t be surprised if my rapist was here and doesn’t even know I’m talking about her.

It took me a little while to get help; part of me went on autopilot and started calling all the rape assault numbers, look up all the information - the things you get trained to do when you do a lot of feminist work - and for the most part they were helpful, but they all seemed to conceive of rape and assault as something that happens to an innocent girl by a guy in the bushes. There was nothing about a woman being raped by a woman, nothing about being raped in a sexually-charged situation. 

Even when I tried to talk to my family about it, even in the most well-meaning way, they asked: “Why didn’t your boyfriend stop this, stop you from going?” Because he owns me apparently, I don’t know; that was news to him when I told him. [crowd laugh] “Don’t you know that’s the sort of risk you put yourself into?” “At least you know not to do that next time.”. So much for getting support.

And it took me sooooooo long to actually come out and say “hey, I really need help, this is messing me up” - because some part of me thought that, even though I knew intellectually I never asked to be raped, I never went there saying “HEY I’M GONNA GET RAPED TONIGHT WOO!” - I still thought, did I do anything to bring this onto myself? Is there some part of me that was still responsible? [crowd goes “NO!”] Am I not innocent enough for this? 

And I want to thank the people who heard my story when I first broke with it in early 2010 and shared with me the most amazing support - you have no idea how much your messages, your zines, your emails, private or public, whatever - that support really meant so much to me, because it was so hard finding info from even the most modern feminist areas because there’s not much written about it. Even from, say, the sex workers associations or the kink associations, because - they said “yeah, there’s not much out there”. And they’re fighting so hard to find legitimacy for themselves, so if something does go wrong, hardly anyone wants to approach it. 

And that is why I’m here for SlutWalk. And a lot of people have said “Oh, it’s a white woman’s problem, it’s a white country’s problem”. And yes, in one way the issues of sexuality around minorities like myself become a lot more complicated. Because people put assumptions on you - like “oh, you wear a burqa, you can’t possibly have sexual agency” or “oh, you’re a Black woman, therefore you must be sexual all the freakin’ time”. [crowd laugh] 

WE ARE ALL PEOPLE! FIRST AND FOREMOST! [crowd cheers & applauds] You could be a slut, and be the dowdiest prude ever - and still be a slut because someone does not care for you. You could be…well, yeah I’m kinda the most hopeless slut ever, I have problems picking up people [crowd laughs] it is kinda ironic. STILL - still - and though people haven’t said “You’re a slut” they’ve said “Oh, but what about your honour? What about your dignity? Wouldn’t people look down on you because you do burlesque and take nudie photos and talk about sex openly?” 

It’s stuff like this that makes it REALLY DIFFICULT for any of us to know what is appropriate sex, what is good sexual behaviour, what is consent, what are boundaries, how do we treat each other right! Because there’s just no space to talk about - “innocent person, guy from the bushes” - and we end up hurting each other. I’ve been to feminist groups where they say “Oh I don’t believe in this pro-porn thing, I don’t believe in this postmodern crap”. On the Facebook page there’s “Oh won’t you lose respect if you dress up in slutty clothing”. I used to be a slut-shamer - I used to think that porn stars and sex workers and models were all brainless with nothing to say.

And if we don’t move away from one model of appropriate, and start talking about all the different issues, and all the different ways people explore sexuality, or don’t explore sexuality - slut-shaming and rape culture is not going to go away. [crowd cheers, applauds] 

So the next time someone says “hey, you know that friend we have - I think they said something really inappropriate to me but I’m not entirely sure”, or someone went to you and said “Yknow I’m curious and I want to go to this kink club but I’m kinda shy”, or someone says “Hey honey, how about we look at an open relationship?” - don’t make your first response be “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING YOU SLUT”.

And I DON’T CARE if you are the bastard love-child of Paris Hilton and Voldemort [crowd cracking up] and your full-time job is as a stripper in the most (riled?)-up area of the Outback, and you are the only girl there for miles - YOU STILL DO NOT DESERVE TO BE ASSAULTED OR RAPED! [crowd cheers, applauds]

I’m going to read out some of the signs, because I have a very good view of the signs, they all seem to be there [my left] for some reason: “Not fair game when drunk, not fair game EVER, deal with it!” “Yes means yes, no means no, however we dress, wherever we go” “We’re not asking for it - our clothes are not our consent” [crowd cheers] “Only rapists can stop rape”

We all have a responsibility to each other. Don’t make this be the end; make this be the start.

Thank you. [crowd cheers]

This is very powerful and very moving for me to see and hear. And I’m glad it is transcribed, because I hope the most people possible can access this. 

Tiara is so right, and indeed she addresses some of what made me hesitate about the way SlutWalk was carried out and talked about in other places where they’ve happened. Because it isn’t just about an innocent girl and a guy in the bushes, and it isn’t just about one scenario where we say “that’s rape, that has to stop”. It isn’t even just about ideas of what sexuality is good and bad. I think she gets to the core of the issue, the reason that it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing or where you are.

It is about the fact that we must make it understood to all people that no matter what you think or feel about a person, about what they’re wearing, about where they are, about whether they are intoxicated or sober, about their life choices, about their sexuality and sexual expression, about their politics or their speech or their race or their gender or their size or their profession - no matter what. Whether you are the vilest person on earth or the most innocent, whether you’re a prisoner in prison or a nun in a church whether you are a sex worker or you work in an office or you’re homeless or you’re a drug addict or whatever, NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO RAPE YOU EVER. EVER.

Disdaining someone’s choices in life, disdaining them as a person - even if you are convinced to the core of your being they deserve that scorn - does not give you the right to rape them or shame them. You are not the police of other people’s lives, you are not the arbiter of punishments - sexual or otherwise. You are not the judge of who can and cannot say “no”. 

The issue comes down to that for me, and I think she said it well, so I will repeat it and quote it:

And I DON’T CARE if you are the bastard love-child of Paris Hilton and Voldemort [crowd cracking up] and your full-time job is as a stripper in the most (riled?)-up area of the Outback, and you are the only girl there for miles - YOU STILL DO NOT DESERVE TO BE ASSAULTED OR RAPED! [crowd cheers, applauds]

stfuhypocrisy:

jessicavalenti:

I was on MSNBC’s Morning Joe today talking about my SlutWalk op-ed. Thought it went pretty well!

You were bang on Jessica. Deep down in their psyches, these people were victim-blamers. “I don’t want my daughter wearing that cuz I don’t want increased risk”. What you said in response to that, is so true, and it’s what I’ve been saying too. It gives women a false sense of security if they think that dressing less provocatively will reduce their chances, when we all know that’s not true.

kittylouwho:

Rihanna, who hit headlines in 2009 after being severely beaten by former boyfriend Chris Brown, has now come under fire for encouraging extreme violence in a new music video.

In the video for “Man Down,” which premiered on the BET network this week, the popular songstress is involved in an implied rape scene with a man she later guns down in an act of premeditated murder, and then flees the scene.

However, the Parents Television Council (PTC) has joined forces with the Industry Ears and the Enough Is Enough Campaign to publicly denounce the video, and the groups are urgently calling on BET’s parent company Viacom to stop airing it.

“‘Man Down’ is an inexcusable, shock-only, shoot-and-kill theme song. In my 30 years of viewing BET, I have never witnessed such a cold, calculated execution of murder in primetime. Viacom’s standards and practices department has reached another new low,” Paul Porter, co-founder of Industry Ears and a former voice of BET, said in a statement. “If Chris Brown shot a woman in his new video and BET premiered it, the world would stop. Rihanna should not get a pass and BET should know better. The video is far from broadcast worthy.”

Well, first of all, you clearly do not watch any law procedural ever, or for that matter many other music videos. Lady Gaga burned her John/Slave Master to death with a flame thrower bra in her “Bad Romance” video. She murders her boyfriend for attention in “Paparazzi,” and she and Beyonce kill an entire restaurant full of people just to kill B’s abusive boyfriend, but no one raised a brow over that. The Dixie Chicks had an entire song devoted to killing an abusive asshole, but no one’s panties got in a twist over that.

Adding fuel to the fire, the 23-year-old music star even tweeted to her 5.5 million followers this week that the explicit video contained, “a very strong underlying message 4 girls like me.”

If you think that the message is “Shoot your rapist” please remove yourself from the gene pool this instant. You are too stupid to be allowed to reproduce. Girls in our culture are constantly told that being assertive, or Lord forbid, aggressive is unladylike. We’re to be constantly polite and deferential, and if something bad happens to us, then oh well, it was your fault anyway. You little slut, should have kept your shirt buttoned up. And after that, no, do not react. You’re not allowed. Because God forbid women express anger at the men and the system that oppress, violate, and hurt us.

But Melissa Henson, Director of Communications and Public Education for the PTC, said that the graphic portrayal of Rihanna seeking revenge on an attacker by murdering him in cold blood is far from an empowering or appropriate message to be sending to young, impressionable audiences.

“Once again BET has chosen the low road over the high road. Violence is a pervasive problem in all corners of our society and today’s youth need more positive strategies for dealing with conflict than those portrayed in the Rihanna video,” Henson explained. “This video is one among several frequently played on Viacom music video networks that lyrically or graphically glorifies violence and other behavior inappropriate for teens and youth.”

First of all, can we please stop pretending that media and only media is the only thing that influences children? It’s not. There’s this amazing thing called ‘parenting’ that leaves a far longer and more lasting impression than most music videos. If you don’t want your kid watching violent things, be a fucking parent and don’t let them. I know. This sounds “hard” but you should have thought of that before having kids.

And yes reclaiming your voice is something that “Good” girls don’t do. Screw that. Not to mention, I—and just about every other kid in the Western World—is exposed to far more violence in our academic life. Any Shakespearean tragedy will leave the stage littered in bodies or even better images, like MacBeth where we get a head on a pike. The first short story I ever read in high school was “The Cask of Amontillado” where someone is buried alive. Our local middle school read The Hunger Games this year which has some of the most disturbing and impressive violence and gore I have ever had to imagine.

There are plenty more forces acting on young adults today, and I can assure you BET and Rihanna’s video is probably not the strongest or the first that comes to mind. Not to mention that Rihanna explicitly states that it’s wrong. “I didn’t mean to end his life/I know it wasn’t right/I can’t even sleep at night” the very first lines of the song. She agonizes over her choice, which is far more than most murder ballads manage, where the usual undertone is “YAY! Murder!”

Relationship coach Marc Rudov, founder of TheNoNonsenseMan.com, was also appalled by the “reprehensible video of gratuitous, confessed murder,” but indicated that it is yet another example of Hollywood’s double standard.

“She sings that she killed a man when she ‘lost her cool’ because ‘he was playing her for a fool.’ This garbage from the same woman who publicly bragged to Rolling Stone recently that she likes to be spanked and tied up,” he told FOX411’s Pop Tarts. “Rihanna gets to have it both ways – accuse Chris Brown of domestic violence and be violent herself – because she’s a woman.”

 Seriously, fuck you. How can you be so stupid and yet be capable of forming words? Uhm, what now? Rihanna likes having consensual sex a certain way, which means that her boyfriends and lovers are allowed to beat the shit out of her anytime they want to? Oh, good.

Anyway. Four for you, Rihanna! Thanks for depicting the way that  rape usually happens, and thank you for showing the hypocrisy and ridiculousness of rape culture. Maybe next time people could have a mature dialogue about the issues it raises instead of freaking the fuck out. 

(Source: katlightsparkle)